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It was a hell of a day.

The ladies had a grand adventure chasing down Oscar and accidentally zombies, and the guys nearly got murdered by an eldritch horror. Again.

So now the dudes have to rest because going to the super-dangerous mines when tired is a terrible idea.

They've got a day or two to kill, so this is for what happens while the guys (mostly Malcer because holy fuck dude) are recovering.

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Velo could clarify that she's using it to make a bag of holding. That would certainly explain things.

But nah. What's the fun in that? Besides, a joke or two might help Varis cheer up a bit from... whatever he's got going on. Or just get a boner. Whichever comrs first.

"Boobs are the source of my power, that's why."

It really would explain things, but everybody knows that it's more fun to fuck with Varis. Even Varis knows this. He's just come to expect it at this point.

"When you phrase it like that, you make it sound like you just like. Eat boobs."

He doesn't seem to be cheering up, but at least he's engaging in conversation. It's a really stupid conversation, but it's still an improvement over laying around and staring at the ceiling.

That is... not the response she was expecting. But she can roll with it and double down on the stupid.

"How else do you think I got these?"

Velo leans forward towards Varis and tugs at the neckline of her tank top with a sultry grin.

...Maybe she shouldn't tease him like this in the common area of the hotel where everyone else can potentially see. Oh well, too late for that concern.

The boobs are nice. The boobs are very nice, but now he's just thinking about Velo eating severed boobs and somehow the whole boob thing is just not all that sexy at the moment.

He's totally staring at the boobs though. Kinda leaning away from them, but still staring. Look, they're right there, okay.

"That is definitely not how boobs work. You're talking crazy boob talk."

Velo sits back up and shrugs.

"You don't know that. For all you know it could just be an arcane ritual where I siphon the power of defeated boobs unto myself. If I get big enough I'll achieve immortality."

And now she's taking a page from Varis' playbook and just saying words. Do they mean anything? Are they supposed to mean anything? No. Definitely not.

Yep, that sounds like a page out of the Varis handbook alright. Just toss in a few more fuckwords and you'll be speaking Varis language like a champ.

"That is some serious horseshit, but it does make for a pretty fucking great mental image."

"The ritual part or the giant immortal tits part?"

She's not being serious, of course. She doesn't want to know the answer to that question.

"What I'm actually doing is making and sewing a pocket dimension into my bra. Like one of those bags of holding, only not a bag."

"Yes. All. All parts."

Too bad nerd, you get the answer anyway. BUT HEY, now that the goofy bullshit is out of the way, Varis actually looks pretty interested in the magic pocket bra thing.

"Holy shit though, that is fucking awesome. I mean, it's weird as shit that you're putting it into a bra? But fuck it, everyone could use a pocket dimension."

"It's because it's weird that I'm doing it."

That and she's just used to putting shit in there anyway.

"I could make this into a bag like normal, but then I'd have to carry around a bag. It'd be something I could easily lose, get stolen from me, or something like that. With this, though, I won't lose it, and even if someone did want to steal something from me, who would think to look for a secret pocket in my bra?"

"I... huh. I can't argue with that logic."

Yeah that sounds like a very Velo thing to do. Really, it isn't all that surprising.

"Why not a fanny pack? Nobody would be caught dead in a fanny pack, so nobody's gonna go around stealin' those, I bet. I'll be honest though, I kind of thought you didn't even wear bras."

"No, but they'd be really easy to steal things out of, and that would require me to wear a fanny pack in the first place. I have some standards. Plus, my tail would get in the way."

Can't have a butt pack if there's a tail where the butt normally is.

"Didn't wear- Varis, do you even know how much of a hassle it would be for me to not wear a bra in public? I mean, Nin could probably get away with it, and maybe Naeris, but hell if I tried that."

"Ooooh yeah fair enough. What about a tail bag? Are tail bags a thing?"

Varis should be a dragonborn fashion designer YO.

"Dude I don't know anything about boobs other than there they are. They're just like- they're just..."

He doesn't know what they're like, he's just making vague boob cupping motions at his own chest. He had boobs once and he was terrified of them, never again.

"...Actually, a tail bag might be a good idea. It can't be too big but I could probably put a few spare tools or bullets in it."

It will have to be a regular bag, though. Velo's too far into making the magic bra to change now.

"Tell you what, tie a couple full waterskins to your chest and run around without securing them. Tell me how you feel after that."

"See, I'm a genius."

Not really, but he could be some day. Maybe.

"I don't think I'll do that ever, but I think I see where you're coming from."

He's just staring at her tits like their the weirdest things ever.

"Genius, or do you just throw out so many thoughts that some are good just by chance?"

Velo notices him staring, but doesn't make much effort to stop him. With what he went through, he's earned the right to be a little indecent.

"Shame. I was hoping you'd try it and then have Malcer or Gorudak walk in on it. Would have been funny."

"Genius because I have so many thoughts to throw out. Bam."

That's his story and he's sticking to it. Also he does catch himself staring at lizard boobs and knocks that shit off because it's rude.

"You say that as if they wouldn't expect me to just do weird shit. Like, have you met me?"

"Only if by 'throw out' you mean 'into the garbage'."

...Okay that was a little harsher than she had expected that to sound.

"You've been gettinf better recently, though. I'll give you that much, but I was still hoping you would do it just to entertain me."

"I feel like that's where most of my thoughts end up, yeah."

Harsh maybe, but not completely untrue, let's be real.

"Unfortunately, I don't have any fake tits. I also don't dance, sooooooooo, sorry, buckeroo."

"You want me to make you a pair? You could disguise yourself as a woman again without having to use a potion."

She'd totally do it, too. It shouldn't be that hard.

"Besides, the right makeup and you'd look really cute. More than you already are, at least."

"I've done that before without the boobs, worked out pretty well. I had a lot more hair back then, though. Probably made it easier to throw people off."

Do it anyway, you never know when we need a set of fake boobs.

He actually looks a little embarrassed. Just a little. He's never thought he looks bad, but he never would have described himself as cute. Probably because most people that meet him want to kick his stupid face in.

"Yeah, well. I don't think I'm gonna need it any time soon."

"Boobs make it easier, too. Make them big enough and they don't even look at your face."

Speaking from personal experience, she is.

"I bet with Malcer's help, we could even blend it in with your skin so you can have cleavage, too. You would be able to get anywhere you want and no one could identify you."

"I... yeah, I can see that working."

Considering he does it himself half the time, like a weird little creep. He's going to have to work on that.

"I can see that being pretty damn useful, though. The only thing I could see giving me away at that point is how tall I am. Like, even by human lady standards, I'm pretty goddamn tall. I stand out like a sore thumb no matter where I go, it's made some of my past jobs really tricky.

"I know how that feels. There's not enough makeup in the world to cover that. There are spells for that, though."

Ah, magic? What can't it do? Other than behave like it's supposed to out here, of course.

"Boobs aside, you holding up okay? All three of you have been quiet since you got back."

"I should look into some of those disguise spells. I can only do so much with makeup, y'know?"

The stormwall does make magic kind of a pain in the ass out here, doesn't it.

"It was real creepy in there. That like, isn't even including the fucking nightmare critter that was after us. I guess we're as good as we can be after all that shit."

"Malcer can probably teach you a few tricks. Illusion's never been my best area."

Not that Velo has a 'best area' other than 'figuring shit out as she goes', but details.

"I mean, it is a place owned by Portia. I'd expect it to be creepy. But was it more 'body parts and facial features in places they shouldn't be' creepy or just 'vaugely unsettling' creepy?"