buttsbuttsbuttsmate | (no subject)

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It was a hell of a day.

The ladies had a grand adventure chasing down Oscar and accidentally zombies, and the guys nearly got murdered by an eldritch horror. Again.

So now the dudes have to rest because going to the super-dangerous mines when tired is a terrible idea.

They've got a day or two to kill, so this is for what happens while the guys (mostly Malcer because holy fuck dude) are recovering.

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Double the elf, double the mope, double the... not anything useful, really. But that's okay.

Naeris' head pops up from the arm of the couch, but her face is still covered by her way-too-long hair. So it kind of looks like the ginger cousin of the swamp thing is talking to Varis right now. That's cool, right?

Her tone is a bit more cheerful, at least, now that it sounds like she could be of use to somebody.

"Yeah! What's up?"

It is actually very cool, nice ginger swamp thing you got going on there Naeris.

"My blood. It's up. Like, up all over the counter. By that I mean I cut my finger open like a moron, can you lend me one of yours?"

He's too tired to make jokes that are actually funny, ok.

Wow, totally, because that's not funny at all. It's actually very concerning!!!

Enough that Naeris the Ginger Swamp Thing quickly rolls off the couch (just managing to avoid hitting into Oscar, whoops!) and hurries to the kitchen.

"Let me take a look."

He didn't cut his finger off, that would require hacking through bone and he just doesn't have the energy for that right now. Also he likes his finger.

He moves his hand over the sink before he takes the towel off to show Naeris the dumbshit damage he did to himself like a dumbshit.

"If I was as good at cutting the badguys as this, we would have totally saved the world already."

Okay, but with this group literally anything is possible. Including sawed-off fingers while making idk muffins or something.

In any case, Naeris takes a good look at Varis' very much not a dumbshit finger.

"You did get yourself pretty good there, but I think the bad guys get it worse from you."

She flashes Varis a quick smile before touching the area just around his cut, saying a couple of words, annnnd... there we go! Good as new!

"So don't beat yourself up! ...Literally, in this case."

That's what happens when you roll a 1.

"Technically it wasn't a beat up, it was a cut up."

But y'know whatev. He flexes his fingers when she's finished and is very much satisfied with the whole not bleeding anymore thing.

"Thanks, Naeris. I'd high five you, but there's kinda blood all over my hands? So like, I'm gonna wash them first."

Which he is doing RIGHT NOW, being at the sink and all.

"Be my guest."

Naeris stands aside so Varis can go ahead, clean up, and stop being a walking biohazard. While he takes care of that, she peers over his back and towards the counter.

"What're you making?"

And his hands are clean and blood-free! Mission accomplished.

"Sandwiches, but with like really good steak. Slap some cheese and caramelized onions on there, I found some fancy buns at the market. Bread buns, not like butt buns. There's a really unfortunate lack of great asses around here, you know?"

"I, uh..."

Naeris scratches her head, her hand disappearing into her mess of hair WHERE DID IT GO???

Oh wait there it is! She's folding it with her other hand now.

"...don't really know. Sorry. I. Um. Haven't really been looking?"

Naeris what the fuck is your hair wHAT IS HAPPENING WHATT??? Oh wait she'e fine false alarm.

"Oh, nah, you're good. I just have this fixation on butts or something, I dunno."

ANYWAY HE'S GONNA START COOKING THIS LIKE, STEAK OR WHATEVER.

See? Don’t worry. Her hair is fine. Everything is fine. Nothing weird is going on here.

Anyway, it seems like this entire party has a fixation on something or other. Unfortunately, almost none of those fixations are healthy. But that’s not something they need to address right now.

“Oh. Okay.”

Naeris is going to follow Varis over to the steak cooking station or whatever.

“Can I watch?”

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