buttsbuttsbuttsmate | (no subject)

Oh no, now he's going to be turning on the stove? She guesses it makes sense, that's what you do in the kitchen, but what's the likelihood that he'll burn himself? Is it higher or lower than the chance that he might chop off a finger?

After a brief internal debate, Nin decides that letting Varis handle the stove is probably better than giving him back the knife. She's good at healing burns. She could probably reattach a chopped off finger? But she's never done that before, so there's a higher chance that something could go wrong. So she'll hang on to the knife.

"Mmm, I think you're right. I don't remember when, though. It must've been a while ago." She shrugs. "The oil's in the pantry. Third shelf up, near the front. And it's Tuesday, for the record."

"At least a couple months. Feels like we've been out here doing this shit forever."

Fire is less dangerous than knives, at least in the hands of Varis. Probably. Time will tell.

He scoots his butt over to the pantry and finds the oil, and then returns to the stove because it's time to start sizzling some veg.

"Cooking oil, Tuesday... Tuesday? Holy shit. We got fuckin' wrecked."

"Yes. Yes, you did." She's glad he realizes it, even though she realizes it won't have much, if any, effect on any of his future actions. She's finished chopping the vegetable she'd swiped and moves the chopped bits over to sit next to the chopped onions. "Should I chop these the same?" She holds up Vegetable Number 3 for his assessment and direction.

Nope he's absolutely going to keep doing weird, dangerous bullshit.

"We found a lot of useful shit in there. I don't think we're going to have to go back." He actually has no idea if that's true, but he figures just tossing that out there might discourage her from giving him a lecture or something.

Vegetable number three is IDK a carrot or something, I've decided. "Oh, um. Yeah, dice that puppy up too, like the other ones."

Varis you're going to drive her to an early grave. She's going to die of a heart attack caused by something stupid you did. This is no way to treat your wine mom who loves you.

"I truly hope so." Alright carrot, time to get diced. "What did you find, anyway?"

No wine mom don't die 8(

You dice that Carrot, Varis is going to do some like. Skillet stuff. On the stove. Yep.

"Buncha maps, some things written by Larold. There was some sort of bestiary, really weird shit. You might be into it, I copied a bunch of it down in my notebook if you want to take a look."

Edited 2018-09-02 22:37 (UTC)

She won't die if Varis is more careful. 8(

Hell yeah look at all the great kitcheny cookery that is happening, this is some aces roleplay. They are going to make the best chicken pot pie.

"I might be into reading someone's bestiary, or into some really weird shit?" She knows what he means but she has to give him a little shit. "The bestiary sounds interesting, at least."

He'll work on that. Probably.

BITCHES DON'T KNOW BOUT MY CHICKEN POT PIE.

He's so like zoned out that it actually takes him a second to register that Nin's fucking with him. He stares at her for a second before he gets it. OOOOH oh ha ha oh.

"No, the uh. The bestiary. Yeah. There's a ton of weird like, mutated animals and shit in it, and then it got into some normal animals. He had an entry for drow in it, which is just rude, but I guess we are kind of assholes."

She sure hopes so.

FUCK YEAH CHICKEN POT PIE!

"Larold's got no room to call other people assholes, honestly." She chops quietly at the carrot on the cutting board for a moment or so, waffling about whether or not to say something, and decides, you know what? Fuck it. Something is wrong with Varis beyond just the fact that he's clearly stupid exhausted. She's seen him stupid exhausted before, and it wasn't anything like this.

"Varis? Can I ask...What else did you find?"

Ugh, way to weenie out of just asking directly, Nin. Try that again.

"You're unhappy about something. Would it help to talk?"

Okay better.

He doesn't reply right away, seeming to be focused on whatever bullshit he's cooking. After a few seconds he pauses, moves like he's going to set the spatula he's working with down, but he hesitates and then just goes back to cooking. A few seconds after that, he finally responds.

"We did find that giant, horrible archive monster, that's got me a bit rattled. I'll be okay."

Technically it isn't a lie, he's definitely still all shaken up by the massive boogity that almost ate him, but normally he'd be doing a lot more bitching about it. He just doesn't have it in him to bitch at the moment.

"Sorry if I've got you worried."

She'd been worried from the first time Malcer had opened his big stupid mouth to say Well I could check the Archive, Maybe I should check the Archive, Hey did you guys know that there's an Archive full of all knowledge that I can go into that's guarded by a fate worse than death? I bet I'd find the answers to all our problems in the Archive! But I definitely don't want any of you to come in there with me!! and then hadn't stopped bringing it up until he'd managed to drag Gorudak and Varis in there with him.

....But it's best not to think about Malcer because apparently that makes her start chopping really aggressively and whoops, there goes a piece of carrot, flying off the cutting board, pinging off the wall, and bouncing onto the floor.

She's pretty sure Varis isn't telling the whole truth, because if it really were just the nightmare boogity, he'd be doing a lot more bitching about it. But, hey, if there's something he doesn't want to talk about, he's entitled to keep it to himself. It just seems a little strange, because he's usually so open about everything.

"Mm...Well, if anything changes, you know where to find me. I always have time for you."

Basically everything is Malcer's fault, yes. To be fair though, Varis didn't have to go hunting for horrible life ruining information, that's all on him.

It's kind of hard to miss how aggressively she's chopping that carrot. Noooo now he's worried that she can see right through his bullshit and he pissed her off, but considering she doesn't call him on it, he's just going to pretend it didn't happen. After he retrieves that chunk of carrot from the floor, anyway.

"Y'know... Thanks. I mean it, like, seriously. I know I don't make things easy for you."

True enough. Also to be fair, he probably didn't expect that information to be as horrible and life-ruining as it turned out to be.

Awww, Varis you big goober, she's not mad at you. She sighs a little when Varis acknowledges how hard he makes her life (seriously, her blood pressure has probably skyrocketed since she met these assholes and her chance of having a heart attack has no doubt increased by like, 100%). She sets down the knife and turns to face him.

"Yeah, you really don't. Come here."

It's time for a hug, you big dumb baby :T

"Sorry."

He is the biggest, dumbest baby. But he also loves hugs, so. He tosses the carrot chunk onto the counter or something and gets himself that hug. He totally just plops his chin down on top of Nin's head too, because he can.

She gives him a good long squeeze with all of the power granted by a +1 strength modifier to her noodle arms.

"Instead of being sorry, could I convince you to consider just not doing it?"

Yeah, their height difference is pretty silly, but it does make for a cozy hug. He can rest his chin on her head, she can smash her cheek against his chest, everybody wins.

At least she has a strength modifier. Varis's noodle arms are just limpass spaghetti noodles.

It's actually a pretty good hug though! Look at them go, havin' a great hug.

"I mean, that depends on what "it" is? I think fighting in general is unavoidable at this point."

Aaaaand she sighs again.

"...Yeah, I think you're unfortunately right about that." She pauses for another little squeeze, though she's not quite ready to let go, yet. "But maybe we can try sticking to the monsters that inhabit this plane, in the future?"

"See that I can agree to. I don't wanna go back in there. I don't want anyone to go back in there. Like, I'm gonna be honest, I have no regrets and think it was totally worth it this time. We got what we needed and more, and we all survived, but there's no guarantee that we can pull a stunt like that again. So yeah, I'd really rather stab things on this plane. I can actually kill the stuff here."

He's just rambling, mostly. If it makes hugs longer, he can talk forever, okay.

"...You have no idea how good it is to hear you say that. Just. All of that. It's very good."

She's seen how Varis hugs, she knew what she was getting into when she went in for one. To be honest, she probably needed a hug at least as much as he did. So it's like, doubly beneficial. When two people who really need a hug hug each other, literally everybody wins!

"I mean, I'm just sayin', it wasn't a good time. At least getting out wasn't a good time. Like I literally thought we were all dead when we hit that dead end, and then fuckoff Malcer decided he had to go find a book and I thought I'd gotten him eaten by that fucking monster thing, but no, it was just book time."

See now he's not even thinking about hugs, he's just bitching. But Nin gets more hug out of it so maybe it's all working out.

"I admit, I wasn't really paying attention to that while we were in there. I was kind of distracted. Whatever's in that book's gotta be real important to him."

There's some of that prime Varis bitching she's been missing.

"Mm. Well, Everyone has something they're willing to fight or die for." It's totally unsurprising to her that someone as selfish and self-absorbed as Malcer has such a thing. Some people even have something that they're willing to let other people die for, is what she also thinks, but doesn't say it aloud. She's a spiteful piece of shit, yeah, but she does believe Gorudak and Varis. Malcer had insisted they leave the Archive first. It's a little easier to believe after witnessing how patiently he treats Oscar. But that's enough thinking about him. Varis is here and alive, even if he's very out of sorts. She'll wait until he's ready to talk.

"For the record, I'm currently hugging one of mine."

Just. So he's aware. She gives him another +1 strength squeeze, then goes up on her tiptoes to give him a ~~motherly~~ little kiss on the cheek.

"I think your oil's hot enough."

Because it's hissing and sizzling pretty loudly on the stove right next to them now. Time to get back to the food.

Well GOOD, at least someone appreciates his bitching! You see how boring your lives would be if it wasn't for Varis and his stupid noises? Let's be real, the peace would be amazing.

"Yeah, yeah, okay. I get it." His tone isn't one of annoyance, but understanding. Malcer is largely a mystery even now, but being willing to die for someone or something that important is something he gets.

And daww, he got a momfriend smootch. He finally manages a smile, albeit a small one, and unwraps his dumb noodle arms from around Nin and gets back to the whole cooking food thing.

"Yeah, oooooh, that might be a little too hot. Ah well. If I splatter hot oil on you, I apologize."